Wow! Things are not just changing day by day but hour by hour, and to extremes. This morning a friend called. She had been in the countryside since all of the turmoil began. She had heard that there was no bread to be found in Cairo so she bought 20kgs of flour and asked a woman in the countryside to bake bread. Upon returning to Cairo she wanted to share the bread with her friends and asked me to come over and collect some.

That had been my goal for the day was to go out and find some bread, she solved that problem for me. Going to get the bread was also a nice opportunity to see her and sit and have a chat.

It is quite surreal when no one is working. It is like an extended vacation for everyone, indefinitely. It makes you realize how much of our lives are focused on work. I think some places this might even be stressful for people to not have work to go to. Here it is just nice to sit with friends and talk. I feel we are being given a huge opening, to interact, contemplate and reconnect to each other.

We had a long chat. It was interesting to hear yet another perspective on what is happening. Her office had been burned in the riots so she is not certain if she will have a job after this is all over. She also recounted miraculous happenings. We both agreed that we needed to move our consciousness to a place where we ‘know’ that everything will work out. To a place where grace and flow become the norm and we are no longer surprised by it. That is when we will know that we have truly had a shift in consciousness.

I made my way home with my bread and tomatoes. It was another beautiful day. There was a bit more traffic, more people in the street. Many of the shops were open for business, as if we were moving back to ‘normality’. I had mixed emotions about that. I don’t want to go back, I want to go forward. Even though I don’t know what that really is. Once the veils have been lifted you can never go back. I also don’t know what forward looks like, but move fearlessly into the future.

When I returned home my son informed me that the internet was back on. I actually felt nauseous, not the response I expected to have. I felt a kind of dread. I sat with that for awhile, wondering why I was not happy about this news. If finally deduced that I now felt obligated. I had to connect. I knew that people were asking about me and I needed to respond. I couldn’t just leave them worrying and not knowing.

I ‘thought’ that I was waiting in anticipation for the internet to return so that I could post my blog. Apparently what I thought and what I actually felt were not in alignment. These past few days had taken me back to the time when I first came to Egypt and when I lived in the countryside. It was a warm familiar feeling, one that I hadn’t even realized that I missed.

I seem to be programmed for change and adaptability which does not allow you much room for grief and regret. I just get on with it to the point that I don’t even know what I have lost. At least until it comes back, and then I see it, with great clarity like a slap in the face. I had been slapped and awakened.

When I lived in the countryside there was no curfew. There was also no electricity so nature was imposing the curfew by removing the daylight. We stayed in, spent time together, eating dinner, talking, playing cards, all by candlelight. It was a very simple existence. It was all done without question. That was just the way it was, so there was no resistance. We had no electricity so we had no TV, no internet. We never had to think about wanting it because it wasn’t a possibility.

After that mental journey I got on with the business of reconnecting with the outside world. It was painless and here I am. I paid my bills, posted my blog and began answering emails. And now I have lost that feeling. I almost can’t remember what it felt like when the internet was off. I wonder if I am falling back into my deep sleep, being swept away by a new/old current.

I began receiving phone calls from abroad. Most of them were very grim, people panicking. They had been watching the news. Even thought I have internet I still do not have a TV. So I can access the news if I want to go and look for it, but I am not tempted to be passively fed information. I also know that their panic is not unwarranted. It has been hours of hearing helicopters flying overhead. It can’t be good.

One friend called distraught because her husband had gone to Tahrir Square and was not yet back. She promised to call when he returned. He did return and she did call. But I can see clearly, with out seeing anything, what is going on and it fills me with sadness. We are in a major power struggle, down and dirty. Where we were seeing the best of humanity emerge we are now seeing the worst. I suppose that is balance.

I still believe it will all turn out for the best. And I believe when the darkness emerges we can then see it, for what it truly is. But keep watching, take note, this is illumination. The truth always shows itself in the end. All the sludge rises to the surface to be seen. And hopefully once it is seen, clearly, we can go about clearing it away.